Step 1: Start online, say the world will end. Blame the lizard elites, conspiracy’s your best friend. Step 2: Look for suckers dumb, desperate and rich. Tweak their weak minds with your hypnotic tricks. Step 3: Preach salvation but make it exclusive. Corporate news on tv is a sea of excuses. Step 4: Promise glory while keeping it vague. Preach human disease, claim the body's a plague. Bow down to me, I’m your holy savior. Empty your wallets, I’ll return the favor. Logic's the devil, let madness unfold. An Idiot’s Guide: How To Start Your Own Cult. Step 5: Give them purpose, pray five times a day. Dress them in robes so they all look the same. Step 6: Fake a miracle, make the skies flash. Apply The Pepper's Ghost technique, dirty magic for white trash. Step 7: Ban questions, say doubt is a sin. Breed paranoia, hone the darkness within. Step 8: Praise trinkets as relics divine. Serve Nectar of the Gods, relabel off-brand boxed wine. Bow down to me, I’m your holy savior. Empty your wallets, I’ll return the favor. Logic's the devil, let madness unfold. An Idiot’s Guide: How To Start Your Own Cult. The Twelve Step Program, designed to deceive. Promise through faith what you'll never achieve. Rewrite the laws, declare yourself king. Control their lives, their souls, everything. Step 9: Tell them aliens are invading soon but their souls will be safe in the big space balloon. Step 10: Start a feud with the least loyal disciple. Say they’re a false profit, sacrifice for denial. Step 11: Fake your death, rise again in three days. Milk the resurrection for maximum praise. Step 12: Form a punch line with one final cheers. Start the process again somewhere else in a year. Bow down to me, I’m your holy savior. Empty your wallets, I’ll return the favor. Logic's the devil, let madness unfold. An Idiot’s Guide: How To Start Your Own Cult. Join the commune, drink the punch. Clear your mind, ring out the sponge. Leave your body, see results. Tell all your friends to join the cult.